You find problems with small things and give up too soon. I think focusing on the positives will bring you much farther, but it will take time and the ability to let go of things.
I try to imagine what I could have said to you yesterday which could have been different. Yeah, I'd say, don't blame me as the sole sources of your problems. Even with all the drama and loose strings that come with me in your life, I like to believe that the awfulness that you allegedly feel as a result of this situation is less bad than how you feel when you're alone and feeling awful. Yes I could be completely wrong; no, I'm not discounting your feelings. Yes, you and I both probably don't even know what the absence of this situation feels like anymore, even when we try. No, I don't want to go back to those days before it all began.
I'm selfish here for sure, but I could have been a responsible "friend" if you were willing to as well. I'd also be willing to be a completely irresponsible "friend" as well; as a fellow human, I completely support your decisions to act recklessly, make mistakes, and make miracles along the way.
Point is-- It doesn't have to be the Cold War. But since friendship is not a mutual thing here, the only mutual thing is that we both want you to be happier. SO. That means I don't get to do friend things with you like we were supposed to tomorrow. Like damn, would I love to go on a date with you out to dinner and to see a movie. A dream really. I accept it; there's no way for me to truly know, but my gut tells me that you're blaming me for internal emptiness that was already there.
It makes me feel shitty that the last time I will see you for a long time will be a come late leave early affair. I guess you came late into my life and will leave early, too. ;/
Love,
Dinner for One, Drunk on Love, Watching a candle wane, War and Peace
