Open Letter MB

Dear MB,


It's really okay, and at this point, I'm already over it.

Today confused me, but I am not angry at all. I suppose I'm too much of a prude for you, but can you blame me really?

I remember almost five years ago when we all went to the beach together, and you two were making out while everyone else sat in silence. I never felt so lonely in my life.

But does that mean that I would ever want to date you? No, absolutely not. I need to find my own love, and I cannot disassociate you with those times, especially since it's clear to me that you're not over her today. You told me only two weeks ago that you were crying in the shower over her removing you from her life. But she removed you a few years ago, so you would have been over it by now if you were really over it.

I see that I would be a clear rebound for you, and even though I no longer talk to her either, I would not think twice about crossing a boundary as uncomfortable as dating her ex who she claims hurt her so badly. I never wanted your love or body from talking to you, and while you truly are a great guy, I never will.

When you first started talking to me, I thought you were just trying to sneak a way back into her life. And I still don't trust you, but any compassion that I did have for you at that time has extended to now in the present, where I still see you as someone of extraordinary potential not deserving of any of the pain that you've been through.

However, I do not forgive you for any of the mediocrity you put me through back when I first met you. I don't think it's your fault rather than collectively both of your faults, but I am happier to move on from that situation altogether. I don't want to think of the time you both whipped your sex toy drawer out or the time you ruined everyone's trip by sulking in the car. I don't want to think of the foam party at Haverford when you guys ditched me and laughed at me for maybe having sex with that guy on the baseball team (I didn't by the way). I don't want to think of the things you said about her mom, and I don't want to think of the once or twice I got to see your ex alone during the whole two year relationship-- when she just shit talked you the entire time in a shitty dunkin donuts. And then I don't want to think of the only other time when I made her cry in whole foods because I was fed up. I don't even want to think of the ring that she tried to get back from you a year after the relationship ended. What a wench.

What a wench, but still, you will forever be "her boyfriend" to me, and that's it. That's what I see every time I look into your Alaskan blue eyes.

 So you're a wench too; sorry.

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Furthermore, not talking to me will help you move on to the next chapter of your life. One where you can make goat cheese and pasta and save the world with your environmental engineering degree. One where the girl meant for you, who clearly isn't me or the person who used to be my best friend (and pain comes up as I say that-- I vividly remember her revoking ever calling me her best friend at the aforementioned shitty dunkin donuts), who will love spending her mornings cuddling with you and enjoying some amazing pancakes under a gentle everlasting sun. In Vermont of course. And you will go on nature hike and walks in New England along the coastline, maybe eating some clams, and from there travel the world together, possibly by horseback. Your oldest kid will not be a child, but a kid--- a baby goat! But your real kids will be adorable and talented.

I truly see and wish that for you. Let me know how it goes because hey guess what, I actually care about you and respect you enough to let that happen. You will be missed for now. Thank you for everything.